I Shop, Therefore I Spend

I love to shop. I am a world-class shopper. If there were an Olympic event for shopping, I would be like the Michael Phelps of the mall. I can sprint shop, endurance shop, and marathon shop. In the shopping decathlon, I reign supreme.

I actually come from a long line of great shoppers on both sides of my family, going back nearly to the first strip mall at Plymouth Rock. It’s a tradition that has been passed down in my family from generation to generation. Some families share recipes. We share coupons.

When my daughter was born, I dreamed that one day the two of us would shop together. I assumed since she was a child of mine, she would also have my passion for fashion. It never occurred to me that she might get her father’s genes for shopping. He hates to shop. Loathes to shop. Will not set foot in a shop unless it’s an electronics store or a car dealership. I think it’s a guy thing. Apparently that “Y” on the male XY chromosome stands for “Y the heck do I have to go shopping…”

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Filed under I Shop Therefore I am, It's a Girl Thing, The Balancing Act

Ode to the Flu

Who the heck gets the Flu in May?

Me.

From the nurse I get a call
I see the writing on the wall,
My daughter has a temp, and so
My fate is sealed, of this I know
She’ll cough at me and then I, too
Will have a case of ?#@&%! FLU.

It came upon me very quickly
Before I knew it, I was quite sickly
Sneezing, wheezing, fever, chills,
Downing Nyquil, popping pills,
I see the dog is sneezing, too
I guess we both have ?#@&%! FLU

My head’s stuffed up, I feel like crap
I really want to take a nap
But we’re out of Cap’n Crunch and Coke
The laundry pile is no joke
The dog is sick, the fish are dead
No one made their stinkin’ bed
The sink is full of dirty dishes
Someone’s got to flush the fishes.
There is just way too much to do
Even when I have the ?#@&%! FLU.

Crawling sadly out of bed
Stuffy, drippy, achy, dead
I make the beds, I wash some fishes
Clean the clothes, and flush the dishes
I make some tea and rest my head
I think I feel a tad less dead.
But as I sit, the phone rings out.
Not good news, I have no doubt
My son is at the school nurse, too
Now he’s got the ?#@&%! FLU.

©2012, Beckerman. All rights reserved.
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Filed under It's All About Me, Who Are These Children and Why are they Calling Me Mommy