Celeb Encounters | Lost in Suburbia

Category Archives: Celeb Encounters

August 22, 2012 · 8:13 pm

The Latest Lost in Suburbia Column: Journey to the Center of the Shed

One of the things I was really excited about when we moved to the suburbs was having a shed. I imagined something pretty with flower-filled window boxes, organized shelves of potting tools, and rakes and brooms hung neatly in size order. However, since I failed to bring Martha Stewart along with us to help create this garden tool utopia, the shed looked less like an image from “Shed Beautiful” magazine, and more like a tornado had gone through Home Depot.

Eventually, of course, there comes a day where you either have to clean out the shed, or have it condemned. And since we needed the space to store our stuff, as well as have a place where I could banish my husband when he snored, I had to bite the bullet and clean the shed.

Having done this dirty deed several times before, I had developed a step-by-step series of instructions to help me get the job done as quickly and painlessly as possible. Feel free to use my helpful list for yourself or pass it on to someone you love:

1. Open shed doors quickly
2. Scream as raccoon comes flying out of shed
3. Slam shed doors close
4. Open shed doors slowly. Glance around to make sure there are no more live wild animals in shed
5. Enter shed
6. Forget to check for dead wild animals
7. Find dead animal
8. Scream and run out of shed
9. Get garbage bag, rubber gloves, face mask, hazmat suit and NASA-certified decontamination chamber
10. Dispose of dead animal
11. Begin emptying shed
12. Go to pull rake out of corner. Discover it is woven into large spider web
13. See spider the size of Godzilla in the corner of the web
14. Decided rake looks really good in corner and leave it
15. Remove pile of hoses. Find another pile beneath first pile. Find third pile under second pile. Keep finding more hoses. Wonder if Jimmy Hoffa is buried under final pile.
16. Remove shovels, spades, and brooms. Keep one broom and use it to swat down dirt clump in corner of shed ceiling.
17. Dirt clump turns into bat which flies around inside of shed looking for exit
18. Scream and run out of shed
19. Return to shed with Bat Spray, which is really aerosol deodorant because there is no such thing as Bat Spray.
20. Spray deodorant in corners of shed. Shed now smells powder fresh
21. Remove half used bags of potting soil, fertilizer and mulch
22. Find hammock in corner
23. Discover mice made hammock into mouse mulch.
24. Find mice
25. Scream and run out of shed
26. Return in hazmat suit. Sweep mice out of shed. Dispose of hammock mulch. Spray more deodorant
27. Assess remaining work to be done
28. Go back in house
29. Call husband
30. Tell him it’s his turn to clean out the shed

©2012, Beckerman. All rights reserved.
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Filed under Celeb Encounters, Cleanliness is Next to Impossibleness, This Old House

Tagged as Martha Stewart, Sheds, Spring Cleaning

August 13, 2012 · 9:02 pm

Hanging with the Rich and Famous at Blogher

There are some people who go to conferences to network. Others go for the informational sessions. Some go to reunite with old friends and make new ones.

Me? I’m just in it for the celebrities.

Yes, I admit it, I’m a celebrity stalker. Not in the “wackadoodle, go through their garbage, imagine we’re married,” kind of way. But in the, “I want to have my picture taken with you and pretend we’re best friends,” kind of way.

Since normally it’s hard to get close to a celebrity, I’m quick to make the most of the opportunity to meet top celebs when they appear as spokespeople for brands at these conferences. Although I know we will never be best buds, I’m grateful for the chance to meet these stars, have a moment with them, and pose for a pic together. Although it can be tough to be patient when hundreds of other like-minded bloggers are vying for face time with these celebs, I am willing to wait it out so I can have a moment with celebrity greatness that I can cherish for the rest of my life.

Such was the case when I went to the Blogher Conference recently in New York City. Blogher is the mother of all blog conferences, attracting upwards of 4500 bloggers and hundreds of brands. With so many sponsors, I knew this would be a my best opportunity to meet celeb spokespeople and maybe even say something witty and entertaining that would leave a lasting impression on them.

Blogher did not fail me.

Before I even made it in the door to the expo,I met my first celeb. I thought he was slightly furrier and more orange than he appears on film, but we bonded over facial hair.

Once I got inside, I was almost blinded by the greatness that was my next celeb encounter. This guy literally outshines everyone else on TV and I have to admit, his warmth and sunny disposition were a welcome change from some of the other stars I have met in the past.

Even though there was a huge line of people to meet him, I was honored that he took the time to remind me that breakfast is the most important meal of the day..

Just around the corner, I ran into someone who was honestly, a little saucy and somewhat spicier in real life than I had expected. I admired her desire to go more mainstream, but I suspect that she might still be an acquired taste for some people.

We had actually met briefly once before at the opening of an Asian Fusian restaurant in Hollywood, and I was thrilled that she actually remembered me… although, now that I think about it, I may have had her confused with another condiment.

Although this was an amazing venue for celeb sightings, I have to admit, the past Blogher in 2011, was just a wee bit better for A-list celebrities.
There was this one guy I met who was just as dapper in real life as he is on TV, and had no qualms about showing that a real gentleman can rock a bow tie and hanbdlebar mustache without compromising his hipness.
Of course, the daggers came out when another celeb appeared rocking the same look, but I think there is room enough in this world for two debonair dudes at an expo.

I think they were kind of fighting for my attention, but I’m a married lady so I politely let them know I’m spoken for.

Of course, of all the stars I met, I must say, my best photo op of all time was with two celebrities hanging out on a stoop.

This might have been the only celeb encounter that actually made my kids jealous and I totally get it, because these guys were just as funny and wacky as they are on TV. Still, I have to admit, I’m not sure if that little red dude was checking out my badge or something else.
But whatever it takes to get a pic with a celeb, you know?