Before I became a mom, I assumed every mom was pretty much like every other mom. However, once I joined the club, I realized that moms come in all flavors… and not all of them are to my liking. I like to think that I am a pretty tolerant person, but I have discovered a number of moms who just rub me the wrong way and I will go out of my way to avoid them. To help you recognize these moms when you encounter them, I have come up with a list of the most annoying moms you might meet in your travels through motherhood. Identifying them is easy. How you dispose of the bodies is the hard part.
1.The Brag Hag
She’s the one whose 10 year-old is in line to win a Nobel Prize… and she’s sure to tell you about it.
2.The Chatterbox
She likes to “drop by” to say hi, and then doesn’t leave… EVER!
3.The Dumper
She will drop off her kids for an afternoon playdate, and come back for them two days later.
4.Typhoid Mommy
Will send her sick kids to your house for a playdate even if the child’s head is spinning around 360 degrees and she has a temperature of 104. When called out, this mom will say the kid just has allergies.
5.The Supermom
She can work full time and still have time to make a three-course meal for dinner, attend all her kids sporting events, hand-make their Halloween costumes, and leap tall buildings in a single bound. She’s not a bad person, but she makes the rest of us look bad.
6.The Emergency mom
She will list you as the Emergency Contact on her kids’ school health forms, not tell you, and you won’t find out until you get a call from the school to pick her sick kid up.
7. The Tennis mom
Also known as Emergency mom. She will be out playing a set of doubles without her cell phone on her, which is why the school will have to call you when her kid is sick.
8.The Driving Billboard
She has a “My Kid is an Honor Student” bumper sticker on her car, an “Adorable Baby on Board” sign in the window, a family of cute stick figures on the windshield, decals for every sport her kids play, college stickers if her kids are old enough, and somewhere, under all those stickers, is a minivan.
9.The PTA Vampire
She is on about ten committees and will try to shame you into volunteering for five of them.
10.The Kid Whisperer
She is an expert on getting your kids to sleep, on what your kids should eat, how much TV your kids should watch, and how to parent your kids on just about every topic because clearly, just because you gave birth to these children, you have no idea what you are doing. Also known as the mother-in-law.
(I’m sure this is just the tip of the iceberg. Feel free to add your own in the comments below!)
©2012, Beckerman. All rights reserved.
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Haha! So true. My kid is only in kindergarten and I’m starting to sort out the mommies in the schoolyard…I wonder though which one they think I am?!
If you are eyeballing everybody, they probably think you are #11: The Stalker mom!
WHeeeeeewww…I didn’t make the list. I think we could NOT meet up and NOT have a playdate. Let’s just talk on the phone while we clean the kitchen and text each other gross and funny stuff when we see it. Yep, that’s WAY more my style.
Super cute and SO true!
I also wanted to thank you for putting we NC bloggers in touch with The Balancing Act. It was a great time Sunday, even if I didn’t make Talk Soup for misbehaving with Teresa Giudici.
-Abbie at allthatmakesyou.com
I’m like you… except I don’t clean up the kitchen. We are the Rebel Moms!
What about the Lazy Moms. The ones like me, who never pick up the phone when the emergency mom needs something, or when the PTA needs something, or when the coaches need something. Life is great when you’re a lazy mom!
Lazy moms should not be avoided. They should be applauded!!
This column is a personal fave. My idea of a Five K is five Krispy Kreme donuts the kids will never see or hear about. (I’m not one of those “Brag Hags.”
Love that. I’m all about the Krispy Kreme’s (and sadly, the size of my butt can attest to that!)
Oh this made me laugh so hard because I’m putting people I know in every category. The ones I’m scared of the most are Super Moms. Anybody that perfect is one step away from snapping.
Totally. And I hope I am around when they snap so I can point and say, “welcome to club, dude!”
I think you forgot one, which list that Mom is on may be open to interpretation.
Do tell!!
So funny – and true. Which is why I’m glad my kids are grown.
Just cuz your kids are grown, doesn’t mean you still don’t fit into a category Sharon. maybe, “Empty Nester Mom” (but you’ll have to define what she is like!)
How could you forget the the Winer Mom (never, ever to be confused with the Whiner Mom!)??
Winer mom is a good one… within reason!!
Nope. I think you got them all. Esp. love the photo.
Thanks!! Love your potato head pic!!
I thought you had brilliantly hit them all until I recently encountered “Over Protective Mom”- her son is 10 years old but she still carries a diaper bag full of wet wipes, Cheerios, and Sun Babies sunblock. She stills cuts his meats and orders him warm milk when they’re out at restaurants.
Oh yes.
She’ll be sorry when he comes home to live with her after college and doesn’t leave until he’s 40.
This makes me wonder which one everyone else’s moms think i am.. this is hilarious. love it!
I’m sure you are Perfect Mom, Jane!! Just like me!
Oh my god, please let me add “Slutty Mom”. We had one that would show up at all the PTA/volunteer functions in a mini-skirt, serious cleavage, and stripper heels/full on make-up at 8 in the morning. Maybe she was just getting in from a night on the town.
OMG… LOVE Slutty Mom! Whenever I see her I think she must be hoping to get her own reality show. “Mommy Slutty Boo Boo.”
Add the tech mom-”I only text”,of course in our time—-I like play dates,maybe an hour or so at one’s house. Other than that I try to keep to myself,casually socialize in certain settings. Also an outdoor mom